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eBook Category: Fantasy
eBook Description: A capo in the afterlife makes peace between the Big Guy and His only begotten son.

eBook Publisher: Fictionwise.com, Published: Time After Time, 2005
Fictionwise Release Date: July 2008

4 Reader Ratings: Great Good OK Poor

Available eBook Formats [MultiFormat - What's this?]: Adobe Acrobat (PDF) [169 KB], eReader (PDB) [29 KB], Palm Doc (PDB) [16 KB], Rocket/REB1100 (RB) [16 KB], Microsoft Reader (LIT) [76 KB] - PocketPC 1.0+ Compatible, Franklin eBookMan (FUB) [86 KB], hiebook (KML) [71 KB], Sony Reader (LRF) [42 KB], iSilo (PDB) [13 KB], Mobipocket (PRC) [17 KB], Kindle Compatible (MOBI) [45 KB], OEBFF Format (IMP) [27 KB]
Words: 4754
Reading time: 13-19 min.
Microsoft Reader (LIT) Format: Printing DISABLED, Read-Aloud ENABLED
Adobe Acrobat (PDF) Format:  Printing DISABLED, Read-Aloud DISABLED
All Other formats: Printing DISABLED, Read-aloud DISABLED

It ain't exaggerating to say that me and the Boss got a checkered history together.

Some guys (like that polenta-eater, Adam) thought the Big Guy would never get over being pissed off about the time He caught me sending Lucifer a cut of the souls I skimmed off the Road to Salvation. Now, just to be clear, I wasn't culling no souls that we'd actually want intermingling with the general population in Heaven. I was just doing my job according to an individual interpretation of my duties that, unfortunately, the Boss didn't wind up sharing when it come to light. The way I seen it, I was just relieving Saint Peter of the burden of having to request back-up when he was forced to deny some sorry assholes entry past the Pearly Gates after double-checking their particulars the way a good archangel should. Heaven's a very high-class place. You don't want just anybody getting in. We gotta have standards, same as any other swank operation.

See, people spend a few eons in the Purg, and sometimes they come out smarter about how the afterlife works. You understand what I'm saying? Sometimes, they get on the Road to Salvation just pretending like they're all cleansed of their wickedness and ready to start doing better. Because they've figured out that, once you leave the Purg, there's only two places to go. And the other place don't have no room service.

Well, me, I'm kind of an expert in human frailty. My boss on the earthly plane, Carmine "The Undertaker" Corvino, counted on me to know who'd be a stand-up guy no matter what, and who'd sing like a canary the first time some assistant district attorney squeezed his balls a little. Mr. Corvino also counted on me to know when the second kind of guy would be relaxed and easy to whack out. So, what I'm saying is, I got a lotta background in knowing the human heart. Plus, while I was still alive, I watched a lot of Jerry Springer that time I was in the joint on a bum rap. So, I'm telling you, I can spot an insincere soul faster than a Fed can threaten to ruin your kid's Christmas.

And whenever I recognized a soul on his way to Salvation who wasn't straight up penitent ... Okay, maybe sometimes I gave Mister Lucifer the heads up. Let him in on an easy mark. Split the swag in exchange for greasing the wheels. Because sometimes, you know, I knew someone who'd maybe taken a wrong turn on his way out of the Purg and needed special dispensation to get outta Hell. For example.

It was just business.